Transylvania University President Brien Lewis recited the following school-specific version of “‘Twas the Night Before Christmas” at a tree lighting ceremony earlier this month in the Campus Center.
‘Twas the night before Christmas, a night cold but sweet,
Not a creature was stirring, no committee did meet.
The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,
No one was Zooming, a moment quite rare.
The first-years were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of winter term danced in their heads.
They dreamed of great classes that they soon would take,
And of all of the As they would certainly make.
The profs were snug too, the coaches asleep,
no 6 a.m. practice, no appointments to keep.
Rosenthal Commons was still, temps were zero or sub,
Awaiting the new Entrepreneurship Hub!
The library was resting from being a mentor,
With the new Tassie classroom and the new Bingham Center!
Athletics continued to reach higher highs,
The Commissioner’s Cup was the overall prize!
Retention is up again and the message is strong,
Students here feel supported, they feel they belong!
When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from my desk to see what was the matter.
Away to the windows I went at full speed,
The Ale-8 I spilled but I paid it no heed,
And who was it out there, just what was at play?
Sean, Abby, Quince, Nora — the whole SGA!
There were hundreds stretched out like an endless long string,
“We’re in line”, they all cried, “for Brinner next spring!”
Many helpers I needed, I was glad that they came,
And I whistled, and shouted and called them by name.
If your name is not read please do not take offense,
To read them all out would just make no sense,
Perhaps you will hear it one of these other times,
If I can come up with something that rhymes.
“Now, Ballenger! Now, Butler,” I was heard to yell,
On Dangerfield! Hambrick! And on Larry Spell!”
“On Getsee! On Doolin! On Parviz dry or rainy!
On Calhoun! On Varel! And yes, on Jeff Chaney!”
“Now, Coverts! Now, Conyers,” I shouted from above,
On Gowdy! On Sams! On Krissalyn Love!”
“On Turcotte (who keeps it all running so smoothie)!
And forever, forever we thank you Don Dugi!”
So I said, “Let us gather our strengths and diversity,
Let us seek to enhance our beloved university!”
“Quick,” they all cried, “bring in more Ale-8 soda,
Or else he will go on and on quoting Yoda!”
I sprang to my laptop, I sent emails to all,
They each hid in their office or residence hall,
Yet they heard me exclaim, as I drove them berserk,
“I need all your help for our Transy to work!”
